The Pirate Escapes III (The Beginning)

Here's how it all started: I emailed the following message to a co-worker 3 years ago. Help me get through the day...Let's play MacGyver. You give me a situation to escape from (a cave-in, a sinking ship, etc.) and 5 everyday items that I can use to escape with (a toothbrush, a shoelace, a pack of matches, a bicycle tire, a stick of gum, etc.). I'll then come up with a wicked-cool story of escape. Think you can help me out? From that day until my last day of work, I found myself constantly in situations of grave peril. Without such peril, I doubt I'd have survived the days.

Here's how it works: the pirate is given five items - as varied and crazy as you can imagine - and a single scenario of peril to escape. From there, things get...interesting as the pirate attempts ANOTHER GREAT ESCAPE.

The Items:
1. A canteen
2. An energy bar
3. Fingernail clippers
4. A belt
5. An M&M's wrapper

The Perilous Scenario:
You've fallen through a hole in the ground. Luckily, you've landed on a smooth, stalagmite platform. Below, you can hear the hissing and clicking of snakes and giant cockroaches. (Courtesy of Erica - August 12, 2004)

I stand up on the platform and dust myself off. I take a bite from the energy bar and chew on it until it becomes soft and sticky with saliva. I then use the gummy engery bar to attach the M&M's wrapper to the buckle of my belt. I tie the belt to my leg, and then hang by my fingertips from the platform, dangling the belt with the wrapper over the snakes at the bottom of the hole. The smell of the M&M's wrapper entices a snake below to leap up and snag the tasty treat.

Ha! He bites through the wrapper hiding the buckle of the bet and gets his mouth snared on the little hook part of the buckle. Caught like a fish.

Utilizing my impressive upper-body strength, I pull myself back onto the platform. I grab the canteen and use it to smash the snake's head flat, killing it. I repeat this entire process nine times, bringing up nine more snakes and smashing their head's flat as well.

I then use the nail file on my fingernail clippers to gut the snakes. I tie together the intestines and now have over twenty feet of super-strong, snake-gut rope. I toss my rope up and out of the hole and it cathes on a large boulder. I quickly scurry up the rope. Standing in the sun and staring down into the hole which once kept me captive, I smile.

This was the first great escape of the Pirate!
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And that's how it is done. If you have a perilous scenario and five tools of escape to challenge me, please post them in the comments...and you will soon witness: Another Great Escape, Pirate!